he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
