So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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