And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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