Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
