i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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