We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
