So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
