he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
