he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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