There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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