there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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