i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
