to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
