Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
