I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We need to get me chipped asap
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
