Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You pole danced in your parka.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
