You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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