Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
