fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i barfeds in our rink
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
