We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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