I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
