so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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