Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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