Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize