dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
