I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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