atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
