I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
