my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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