yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My balls are so social today.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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