People in love make me want to vomit
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
