I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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