5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
