I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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