That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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