Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are the jesus of drinking
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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