he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
