We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
