So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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