You can't special order awesome
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
