if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
