i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
