I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
