i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
