yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
