No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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