I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
