i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
