Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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