i just wanna soil my oats bro
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
