if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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