yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
