oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
