Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
