You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
