this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
