she looked like the bat from fern gully.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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