So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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