That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had sex on a roof
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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