there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Randomize
