In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
