I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize