I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
