He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
