the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
