I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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