We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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