so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
